listen i hear you

NOT PASS (198)

Fri, 16 Oct 2009 02:47:55 GMT

unfortunately speechless
inexplicably untamed.
cancerous mutations
of everything again.

aptitude in loss
shouted long and loud.
fickle manipulation
overlapping to extend.

shamefully shinning
proudly unnamed.
rehearsed inclination
bites my skin instead.

confession 1.1

Wed, 03 Jun 2009 01:03:34 GMT

there are many ways to be cuban and i resist the notion that to be cuban is to hold
particular political views or act in certain circumscribed ways.

i've always wanted to explore the borderland between what is only remotely possible and what is utterly impossible. this is what i've always wanted to do.

i am a voluntary exile.

pickle pieces

Mon, 18 May 2009 21:21:15 GMT

i used to be able to recap my days and actually make them sound authentic and relevant. i've promised (and sort of forced) myself to keep a journal this summer in europe. because if i ever decide to enroll in graduate school, my teachers will whole-heartedly laugh at my petty attempts of creation. i need to practice. this is a craft. this must be developed and matured. and what i've done recently is shy away from the paper. my job swallowed me whole, danny gets to chew up the rest and spit it out when he pleases. and i am extremely okay with that. extremely.

its taken me a couple years to actualize the dreams i used to write about in 2006. i started putting together my writing samples today.
how can i describe what i feel when i skim them, edit and digest?
nauseated
jubilant
depressed
trapped
excited
proud
unsuccessful
defeated
regal
prosaic
intuitive
expectant?

i haven't lived down my name. something i am absolutely not ashamed of. the legacy of broken plates, hearts and faces follow me everywhere i go. i think somewhere far, far away she is smiling (more like a silent approving smirk, the most attractive and beautiful smirk in the world). here comes the summer thunder. here comes our 'ice cream sunday', here comes a return.

4.4

Tue, 21 Apr 2009 01:24:48 GMT

hanging in there and strong.

confessionapriltwnty

Tue, 21 Apr 2009 00:39:24 GMT

feeling like i always wanted to make music. and i dont have anyone to make it with. feeling like i should have acted upon things that had come my way in my past in a different way. thinking that if i would have reacted differently i would have been living a different reality now than i thought i would be at 24 and there's so much more.

numero

Tue, 03 Mar 2009 01:49:25 GMT

aver, para empezar hay que aver un empujo. de donde no se.
si supiera, estaria mas alla que lo que estoy ahora.
en las horas de los mameys y las mariposas; por el aire que conoci tan brevemente.
en lo que cave decir--no se explicar. pero lo que empienza por aca; nunca, nunca, parara de sorprenderme por lo completo. y lo mas frustrante es la ropa que se queda atras.
mojada y sorprendida que las horas de los mameys y mariposas brillaron intensamente. agarraron el cubiculo y se lo llevaron al principio.
eres principe, te lo juro.
sabies que siempre te lo quise decir en ingles.
y parece que ahora se me salio.
cristal y flor, sobremeza de la vida. para empezar hay que aver un empujo.
te lo juro.

Tue, 27 Jan 2009 01:41:27 GMT

la princesa te espera

"daniel"

Mon, 12 Jan 2009 03:57:19 GMT

a true testament to the nightfall. the steps that i take forward blazing with strength.

this seeping was romantically uncontrollable. but it silenced the screams, and i am thankful for mistakes. for they are truly the reasons why i am here today. that mistrals take course , because the times have started to rock my stride. i want to start something with you. something much farther than we imagined.

and as for now i am okay with the new and with the old. but obviously looking forward to the dreams we've spent our lives together dreaming. the fruits of this thing; forgiveness and patience are gold today.

to sleep in our shared secrets is my absolute triumph. this life will begin much stronger, for fallen pieces become etched and bruises become blessed.

this is it, you.

()()

Fri, 02 Jan 2009 18:54:13 GMT

my starter broke on new years eve
while we were meeting up for dinner
and so i got towed

but danny tamed the angry monsters
the fireworks were rad
and my cold started to go away

soul power

Sat, 27 Dec 2008 17:38:49 GMT

jump jump little one
your soul is on fire

fuenzzzzaaaaaah

Wed, 24 Dec 2008 15:01:39 GMT

"she used to be a mermaid, but then got promoted out of the kitchen to the princess position"
- fall 2007

2sssuer

Wed, 24 Dec 2008 14:50:45 GMT

blind; but steady ship that swings its way back
to keep the allure of the years in tradition
changing the course; the gait of your slack
nervously jotting the track for incision
the fumble we planned in case of the hack
a protuding example of enlightened permission

by light and by sound, piece together again
our puzzle of roots that grow beneath ground
instilling the doubt my neck tends to bend
handfuls of dirt, white teeth astound
bookmark to sync; what happened that stained
that poked all my bones that all still remains

fairly tamed crevice with no rhyme and no show
with a twig and a song i break the hip
for spitting this season makes amends to know
challenge the date with a pen and a script
truths of the dates, to burn up my glow
a restless ease for my sister ship

because i'm going to eventually write one about you too

Sun, 21 Dec 2008 19:23:50 GMT

i feel like today
should be a coloring book
full of familiar faces

mirame a mi

Sun, 07 Dec 2008 17:32:29 GMT

con playas y musica, agua de coco y flores a los montones. flotando en una piscina de azules claritos. sol del oeste con amor de un companero del alma. lo mas perfecto y lo mas cuadrado. mente genial y corazon de pasteles. manos bellas y encontronazos mundiales pero privados. aqualeras los domingos pero bailar todos los dias, la musica de ayer, un pasito, asi. entretenida con la vida, los pajaritos cantando. la ormigita valiente y el carnicero del traje blanco. aves de paraiso te rodean, como superar el recuerdo que dejastes? con la hija que tratara de formar un pedazito de lo que tu tan sola aluminastes.

electric precedent

Mon, 24 Nov 2008 00:35:25 GMT

i'm counting on you to misinterpret what i say.
the dew drop plums the seeds the lemons stay away
some prickling leaves and drinks and lies wont do us fine
i'll be the farthest away from all the cakes and pies
and then when you say the outsides coming in
i'll take the last few hits and run towards the gate
because in all truth there was never more to do
unless you wanted to break the pieces that you made me undo
no matter lights and darks the empty space still stands
no matter lights and darks our model airplane lands
no matter lights and darks he painted on her hands
no matter lights and darks i fell face first into this man

ween oh 8

Fri, 31 Oct 2008 01:09:17 GMT

when we're on different sides of the globe
i thought we'd keep our veins tangled
like a pair of mic cables,
and if there ain't enough slack to reach
that we'd solder them together
and across oceans they'd stretch.

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 01:37:51 GMT

no te creo

some serious

Sun, 24 Aug 2008 03:33:50 GMT

things used to be easier. when she confesses to me things she wouldn't say to anyone i am full of the most painful sorrow--it suffocates my happiness and will to live and be productive and successful. as if everyone and everything has stopped moving and the motion sickness i've aquired from this disease encompasses all. i do not think i am going to teach after this year. there is too much in me that needs to scream. and the kids aren't to blame and they shouldn't go through this. it would be better to leave and run very quickly. but i have chosen to stay and endure for i have no idea when and where this road will come to its abrupt end. for a long time i thought i was alone, i know now that i am not. but the good that nourishes me comes from her and it will live on forever. of that i am positively sure, like the morning fire tapping my shoulder.

there is nothing to filter my thoughts and so they have gotten in the way of my work. i feel like i cannot produce the same. the lights dimmed a lot more this year and i have felt the effects of her earthquake. my earth shakes. i clarify the seven hundred thousand takes of her crying to me like i know what to do. i know nothing. upon me fall tens of thousands of pounds making me gasp and holding me under. there is nothing i can do there is nothing i can do. she tells me she misses him and she can only imagine how much i miss him too. in fact i am startled by the events of the past weeks, i have been clearly frail and weak. i thought i was strong but the reaons anchored my ankles and help me under the weight. i crumbled and crumbled time after time. i am finally starting to soar on my own, and soon when this is over i will have time for myself and my demons. and they and i will come to an agreement. because this invasion has never been as violent as todays.

i have no idea what the fuck to say anymore about the importance of being estranged.

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 21:12:42 GMT

i am going out of my grasp of things. i am trying my best to stay in one piece. i am breaking up inside horribly. i hope noone notices. but if they do i have come to terms with the fact that i can't do anything about it. i am ripping apart at the seams, and i have seen nostalgic dreams go up in flames. i realize the reality of the present and i do not long for the past. i am trying to keep it together and stay focused. i am doing a pretty ok job at being normal.

rolly bag

Sun, 03 Aug 2008 16:09:06 GMT

inability to sleep in on sunday mornings have created a little bit of anxiety, it hides under my fingernails. i hear the breeze from my balcony without interruption and the beaming sun that escapes under the curtains are begging me to go outside. but the warm lump that hides under the blankets in the room across from me holds me down like pins and tape. there are winding paths in order to avoid the truth coming to me but i prefer to come face to face. i spilled out green water from my eyes and mouth last night telling of emotions that should be alien to me by now but for some reason hang around to make me sick. i cannot promise that they will never come back. i can only hope, that on days like today, i will wake up and nothing will be etched in history. it can all go away with the blink of an eye and a tight grasp of my hand.
i wish there were more things i can do to express the elevation of where i stand. the stitches that once covered my skin head to toe have been undone, they have been healed and they have gone away. new skin is growing and showing up more than ever. there are winds coming and putting the legs of my table to shame. like before, there is nothing i can do but sit in my chair and watch the colors of life suffocate me and leave me motionless for a moment. who doesn't seek to understand the trees and flowers and why they grow that way inside of me. but again, a cloudy vision of the future hits me hard. preparing the leaves for the travel and the streams for the flow, everything will take place when it will. patiently i await (at times embarrasing and unaware of the naive explosion hiding underneath my hair) for a magical hour to be consumed at all once.

waitress game

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 20:08:26 GMT

i am growing roots in ways i had never imagined before. from now on, a new sky will arise before me and burn furiously into the morning. inside are pieces that shake and crumble easily but the reality of this is that everything moves in cycles. from beginning to end and back, always understanding the importance and value of a given moment. the unexpected worth of a series of events that could potentially change you forever. these are the things that create and complete a life. when often i choose to overlook the details, the message behind reasons that i cannot understand become very obvious. a voice is silenced so that another screams, and so on. therefore, to beautifully finish this chapter and start others that can potentially become the most exciting and fruitful to come: there is a cycle.

52755

Sat, 12 Jul 2008 16:55:19 GMT

you can either grow up really quick, or you can be a child forever. i know so many old people, who seriously, seriously still believe things are going to be the way they were when you're 26 for the rest of life. what the fuck
there is nothing that i can say or do without the impending fear that i will one day become something or someone that i will be so ashamed of. because it can happen, and i could push away the people who i have come to love in my world and i will lose it all. and i will gaze into reflections of this story and feel nothing. hiding under the stars and hiding under his arms, he holds it tender.

jotting

Wed, 09 Jul 2008 19:08:32 GMT

it is time to come home. the other day we made blueberry biscuits. there are a lot of questions brewing in my head about friends that will be coming and leaving with this fall that is about to drop its weight of water over our heads. i have had dreams of very strange and very common things lately. and i think my insomnia is back, and that means more writing which is what i need if i ever plan to get my life together before february 1st. there are different places i need to visit within the next couple of years. there are things i want to do with music that i am putting on a back burner and they are going to join us up here very soon. come on without, come on within.

BC

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 06:11:17 GMT

ferriez

Sat, 05 Jul 2008 06:03:40 GMT

i stood on a mountain today, shared an unforgettable laugh and watched my day go by. canadian days are slow. i have been thinking about time and its elapsed regrets on our lives. i have been thinking a little bit too much about an approximated life expectancy. now i realize that i feel more alive, and i think less of those things when i am surrounded by other people. so i guess that is the goal to feeling full. to surround yourself with people and talk about trends and superficial, passing themes which in the span of time mean invisible, insignificant nothings.
there comes a moment in which i feel myself sailing away from those thoughts and i think about danny and i. hopefully these moments become more abundant. it is overwhelming. and i will come back home with a new set of bug bites. i am not comfortable yet, not yet.