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confession 1.1 [02 Jun 2009|09:02pm] there are many ways to be cuban and i resist the notion that to be cuban is to hold particular political views or act in certain circumscribed ways. i've always wanted to explore the borderland between what is only remotely possible and what is utterly impossible. this is what i've always wanted to do. i am a voluntary exile. read (0) cmnt

grande hooks venti [21 May 2009|09:13am] i stayed up watching a movie last night when i should have been in bed. if it was up to me, i would have continued to watch the end of the movie (which i convinced myself was not for another 50 minutes and so i turned in), read some of my book, made some coffee and waited for the sun to rise on my balcony. but the duties of a paycheck beckoned my name and my spirit at 12:40 AM. now i'm sitting here wondering why i didn't just stay awake another 50 minutes, another hour, 2 hours. is it because waking up becomes that much more of a task? or is it because i am afraid that my brittle body wont support the weight of a sleepy heart. all in all, i hope it doesn't mean i am "getting old." the people i work with continuously use that phrase. they abuse its meaning and cling to its comfort, "it must be because i am getting old." when in reality, the objectivity of age and its distorted meaning in our lives brings me to believe it truly is "all relative." and talking in "quotes" must be a sign of "getting old." in all seriousness, i haven't come this far in my studies and my labors to surround myself with a place that feels they are "getting old" with each passing minute. if anything i'd love to blossom and morph anew, again and again. although the gradual residue of time leaves its marks on my body, the crowning gems, the ideas and moments should rejuvinate themselves over and over. with each travel, and with each new friend. i recently had to advise a person i do not know much about concerning something very important in their lives. not only did i feel like an intruder, but i sensed that my voyeurism allowed me to be completely blunt and honest. maybe my wild goose hunt leading me back to school for writing isn't as screwy as i once thought. maybe if i finally ever get to put something down and have a small group of people read it, they won't roll their eyes the way they do in my fantasies. anyway, the letter i wrote to this person was brutal. but i was told it helped (and hopefully healed). i never thought of my words as having theraputic potential. but i do fancy this concept, because it makes me want to believe that others might want the same kind of comfort. the same kind of medicinal irony. read (0) cmnt

pickle pieces [18 May 2009|05:05pm] i used to be able to recap my days and actually make them sound authentic and relevant. i've promised (and sort of forced) myself to keep a journal this summer in europe. because if i ever decide to enroll in graduate school, my teachers will whole-heartedly laugh at my petty attempts of creation. i need to practice. this is a craft. this must be developed and matured. and what i've done recently is shy away from the paper. my job swallowed me whole, danny gets to chew up the rest and spit it out when he pleases. and i am extremely okay with that. extremely. its taken me a couple years to actualize the dreams i used to write about in 2006. i started putting together my writing samples today. how can i describe what i feel when i skim them, edit and digest? nauseated jubilant depressed trapped excited proud unsuccessful defeated regal prosaic intuitive expectant? i haven't lived down my name. something i am absolutely not ashamed of. the legacy of broken plates, hearts and faces follow me everywhere i go. i think somewhere far, far away she is smiling (more like a silent approving smirk, the most attractive and beautiful smirk in the world). here comes the summer thunder. here comes our 'ice cream sunday', here comes a return. read (0) cmnt

4.4 [20 Apr 2009|09:23pm] hanging in there and strong. read (0) cmnt

confessionapriltwnty [20 Apr 2009|08:25pm] feeling like i always wanted to make music. and i dont have anyone to make it with. feeling like i should have acted upon things that had come my way in my past in a different way. thinking that if i would have reacted differently i would have been living a different reality now than i thought i would be at 24 and there's so much more. read (0) cmnt

numero [02 Mar 2009|08:44pm] aver, para empezar hay que aver un empujo. de donde no se. si supiera, estaria mas alla que lo que estoy ahora. en las horas de los mameys y las mariposas; por el aire que conoci tan brevemente. en lo que cave decir--no se explicar. pero lo que empienza por aca; nunca, nunca, parara de sorprenderme por lo completo. y lo mas frustrante es la ropa que se queda atras. mojada y sorprendida que las horas de los mameys y mariposas brillaron intensamente. agarraron el cubiculo y se lo llevaron al principio. eres principe, te lo juro. sabies que siempre te lo quise decir en ingles. y parece que ahora se me salio. cristal y flor, sobremeza de la vida. para empezar hay que aver un empujo. te lo juro. read (0) cmnt

[26 Jan 2009|08:30pm] la princesa te espera read (0) cmnt

"daniel" [11 Jan 2009|10:45pm] a true testament to the nightfall. the steps that i take forward blazing with strength. this seeping was romantically uncontrollable. but it silenced the screams, and i am thankful for mistakes. for they are truly the reasons why i am here today. that mistrals take course , because the times have started to rock my stride. i want to start something with you. something much farther than we imagined. and as for now i am okay with the new and with the old. but obviously looking forward to the dreams we've spent our lives together dreaming. the fruits of this thing; forgiveness and patience are gold today. to sleep in our shared secrets is my absolute triumph. this life will begin much stronger, for fallen pieces become etched and bruises become blessed. this is it, you. read (0) cmnt

(*)(*) [02 Jan 2009|01:50pm] my starter broke on new years eve while we were meeting up for dinner and so i got towed but danny tamed the angry monsters the fireworks were rad and my cold started to go away read (0) cmnt

soul power [27 Dec 2008|12:31pm] jump jump little one your soul is on fire read (0) cmnt

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